For Long-Distance Friends

She sent me a picture of two little cartoon mice snuggled by a fireplace with the caption “born to hang out every day, forced to meet up twice a year.”

I responded with crying emojis, no words needed, as we’ve had versions of this conversation many times.

This was a text from one of my long-distance best friends who I met during seminary and formed a lasting bond with. But she lives in Minnesota and I live in Michigan (for those of you on the coasts, these are further apart than you might think).

Even as I write this, my eyes well up with tears thinking about her and many other dear friends who live hours, states, or continents away. This is the tax I pay for loving the people around me so much. I have to miss them just as much when we move on to the next place. 

My life has always been made rich by my friendships. I have friends from growing up, from college, from seminary, from work, friends that I’ve lived with, friends that have seen me at my worst, and friends that I’ve only met online. The best of my familial and romantic relationships also feel like friendships.

Everywhere I’ve gone, God has gifted me with good friends to hug me when the day was rough, make me laugh till I cry, celebrate my wins, and commiserate with me when life sucks. I firmly believe that good friendships are the most necessary relationships we can have and only improve the quality of all our other relationships.

One of my favorite poets, Alok, writes this in their poem Friendship is Romance: 

i want a world where friendship is appreciated as a form of romance. i want a world where when people ask if we are seeing anyone we can list the names of all of our best friends and no one will bat an eyelid. i want monuments and holidays and certificates and ceremonies to commemorate friendship.

The phenomenon of long-distance friendship is a strange and difficult one that I am still learning to navigate. What does friendship look like when I can’t just drop by and make a batch of cookies and sit on the porch with you? When we can’t grocery shop together or go on a walk? When we can’t meet up for drinks on Friday? We do our best with phone calls, FaceTimes, group chats, and yearly meet ups but nothing can replace the ease of living near your friends. I remember that I haven’t talked to a friend in months and I fear I’m not navigating it well. 

Last weekend I went to the wedding of another dear seminary friend and got to spend time with many of my long-distance friends, some of whom I had not seen in years. As we flung ourselves around on the dance floor spelling H-O-T-T-O-G-O with our arms, I felt so happy that my heart could explode.

Then as soon as I got in the car to go home a wave of sadness hit me. I don’t know when I’ll see them again. I know there is no love without grief, so for now I will keep paying the tax and sending the memes.

header photo by Valiant Made on Unsplash