August 22, 2024
Dear Michael, Greta, and the rest of my fellow Council of Delegates members,
It is with deep sadness that I write to you to resign from the Council of Delegates of the Christian Reformed Church.
You may not know this about me, but I never wanted to be a pastor. As a kid, people often told me I should be one, which I hated. Church ministry just wasn’t for me. My parents had instilled in me a Reformed understanding of vocation, that God calls all of us to serve the kingdom, no matter what our profession. And I loved the classic sports columnists of an earlier age, so I decided I would be a sports journalist. What could be better than getting paid to go to the World Series?
But a year into my English major at Calvin College, God started to lead me down a different path thanks to some campus jobs and wise and godly mentors. First, I was a Worship Apprentice at the Calvin Chapel, and then a Jubilee Fellow. I took those jobs for the pay, but before I knew it, I was feeling an undeniable pull towards ministry. My mentors helped me discern that my resistance was mostly to traditional parish ministry, and they pointed out that as a professor’s kid who grew up around college campuses, Reformed campus ministry might be a fit.
The first day I shadowed a Christian Reformed campus minister was at Brock University in St. Catharines, Ontario, and that’s all it took. I saw the loving and pastoral way he met each student he encountered, regardless of their faith tradition. I watched him create unique space for conversation about religious belief in a math seminar! I observed his deep commitment to the Christian academic calling. In the words of another friend and CRC campus minister, he did what chaplains do: he “took up the life of the university, sojourned with it, bearing witness to (and extending) the grace of a loving God who was already present there.”
That spring I visited CRC campus ministers all over Ontario and Michigan, women and men with their own points of connection on their campus, all with a deeply Reformed vision of God reconciling all things through Christ. It was incredible. I didn’t know this was a thing someone could do with their life until I saw it firsthand. When I did, I felt the rightness of it down to my bones.
This was my calling, and I have pursued it wholeheartedly. It has been a privilege to live into it as the CRC chaplain at the University of Michigan. I never wanted to be a pastor until the CRC showed me how I could be one and that I should be one.
Why am I telling you all this in a Council of Delegates resignation letter? Because I never would have become a pastor outside the CRC. God used our particular articulation of what it means to be Reformed, our capacious and beautiful Kuyperian vision of God’s sovereignty that extends over all of creation (even the whole university campus with its diverse disciplines and myriad worldviews), to call me to ministry. I would not be a pastor without the CRC, and it has been a distinct privilege to serve her on the Council of Delegates.
But now I find myself estranged from the denomination that shaped and formed me – under discipline even – because of the way she taught me to be Reformed. The CRC showed me a path of Spirit-led curiosity that, because of a sovereign God, was not afraid to wrestle with scripture and tradition.
I was taught God was big enough to handle my toughest questions, so I asked Jesus what he thought about the LGBTQ students on my campus. At a university where the institutional sexual ethic boils down to one word, consent, I asked Jesus what truth he would have me speak into the sex lives of students, both gay and straight. I went to scripture and fellow Christians, and over weeks and months and years the Spirit’s answer was yes and amen to chastity, fidelity, commitment, and a love that reflects Christ’s love for the church. . . for all students, regardless of gender or sexuality. There is so much more that could be said about this, but the bottom line is I believe committed same-sex marriage is a faithful way to live a Christian life. That means, as you indicated in your memo to the Council of Delegates, I have no choice but to resign.
I am so grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to serve in this capacity and the people I’ve met through doing so. I’ve grown in my faith by being on the Council, as hard as it has sometimes been. And I believe God continues to work through fallen institutions like denominations, even when we sometimes get in the way!
But the Spirit is now leading me down a different path. It was in a Calvin classroom that I heard one of my professors call John Calvin the great theologian of the Holy Spirit. Surprisingly, it wasn’t in a theology class. I heard that from a choir director during a rehearsal of If Ye Love Me, Thomas Tallis’s setting of John 14. “If ye love me, keep my commandments. And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another comforter, that he may ‘bide with you forever; E’en the sp’rit of truth.” I first sang that piece in a choir room named for Seymour Swets, Calvin’s first choir director who taught there for 44 years after getting his BA at Calvin and his master’s degree from, of course, the University of Michigan.
Though I never wanted to be a pastor, by God’s grace I am one. Sadly, I will no longer be one in the denomination I love. As we part ways, my prayer for you and for me is that the Spirit of truth may comfort us and abide with us forever.In Christ’s love and the Spirit’s power,
Matt Ackerman
header photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash
I’m so so sorry. I believe Satan is at work in our denomination, with those who stir up issues toward their own agendas, rather than trusting God to lead all of us to love as Jesus did.
AMEN!!
I am an 84 yr old widow; was raised in The Netherlands by open minded parents, believing in FULL inclusion
TineKe Graafland, Palo Alto CRC
I’m at a loss for words to express my sadness at the losses the last three synods have inflicted upon the church. Matt, your testimony makes the mounting losses for this denomination so poignant. Thank you for sharing it. What seems impossible is that the people who have inflicted these losses are triumphant. After all, they have saved the church by getting rid of the likes of you and me and thousands of others whose core identity has been shaped by this beautiful Reformed vision. Lord, have mercy on us all.
Thanks for your friendship and leadership, Duane, and for sharing in this grief with me.
Dear Matt
I am so incredibly sorry about this mess.
I admire, and support you in your decision! Hopefully more CRC pastors will follow. What will become of our wonderful PACRC Community is to be seen.
FULL INCLUSION has been, and will always be my stand!!
Love you❤️
Tineke Graafland-Ehrman
Palo Alto CRC
Thanks for writing this letter. Over many years as a nurse, I cared for many same sex couples. It took me a long time to accept their commitment to each other and monogamous relationships as good. I too find the decisions made at synod lacking in understanding of LGBT persons. I grew up in the CRC and have been a member my whole life.
Thank you, Sharon, for sharing that snapshot of your own journey.
Bravely and beautifully written. Thanks, Matt.
So kind of you to say that, Chris. Thank you!
Matt, your letter so closely reflects my thoughts and my pain. The difference is that I can “lurk” in the pew — for now. No longer an active faculty member at Calvin University, I don’t have to formally leave anywhere, but my heart has left due to the actions of recent Synods. Thank you for writing.
Matt, like you I grew up in the CRC and, like you, followed God’s call to be a pastor. Unlike you, God had already called my husband and I to leave the CRC largely because of its lack of inclusion. I am recently retired, but found a home and a 25 year ministry in the RCA. I pray that God will continue to use you in pastoral ministry, wherever God takes you next. Blessings and peace to you, and thanks for writing this.
Thank you, Lisa. I’m not sure exactly where I will end up, but my interactions with folks from the RCA have been marked by compassion, grace, and hospitality. I am so grateful for that posture.
Matt, you have been a hospitable guide and wise counselor in this season, a pastor to pastors even. These are the bonds that transcend the CRC as institution and I pray for the very best use of your gifts in the next chapter.
Lea – these are such kind, kind words, and I treasure them. Thank you.
Thank you for these beautiful, grief-filled words. There are so many with parallel stories who are currently in the process of leaving the CRC, myself included. My vocation as university professor is one that I had no sense I could or should take on except for the nurturing by mentors at Calvin and others in my home church of Sherman CRC. This denomination is becoming significantly reduced in number and kingdom vision . . .
Dave: I am deeply gratified that you found some connection points between your story and mine – thank you for saying that. Just this morning, in fact, I met with a student who you steered in the direction of the Campus Chapel! The denomination may be diminished in numbers and kingdom vision, but I am so grateful that our connections and commitment to God’s redemptive project remain.
I might know that student! I’m deeply grateful to both of you and the presence you’ve been to our family.
I didn’t know of your worship involvement at Calvin – I love the reference to the choir piece. I pray that God’s Spirit will free you now to ‘fly like the eagle’ and do the ministry that you have been called to. The song in my heart for you this morning, “And God will raise you up on eagle’s wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of his hand.”(by Michael Joncas) God bless you.
Thanks, Diane, for that lovely word of encouragement.
Thanks for spelling it out, Matt. I’ve been retired for 21 years now and technically am not affected
professionally by this downward spiral of official CRC theologizing and governance, But my heart also grieves — for the cloud it casts over my life-time of service to the Lord through the CRC, and for you and so many others in ‘active’ ministry as you contend and contort with the painful disruption inflicted by the seeming haughtiness and heartlessness of the new rule-makers.
Thank you so much for this, Matt, which you’d earlier shared with the Chapel Board. I believe you speak for many of our colleagues. Your candour and integrity are praiseworthy, especially because you know the personal and vocational risks you and the Chapel may well be facing because of synods’ ever more draconian and Church DISorderly and mean-spirited decisions. Prayers for blessings and perseverance, you saints at Ann Arbor Christian Reformed Chapel.
Thanks, Jim, for this and all your support! Also, you spelled candor wrong. (Just kidding, of course!)
Very funny, esp for a man who learned about and fell in love w/ campus ministry significantly in CANADA!
What I find extrordinary in all of this is the “triumphant” attitude that Duane mentions. These culture warriors are trying to keep the church pure: pure of those who struggle faithfully with the interpretation of scripture, pure of those who are working diligently in so many places, pure of intellectual curiosity, pure of their brothers and sisters in Christ. You, who have so elequently stated the damage this does to you and so many others like you; leaving a beloved fellowship and call in the CRC. Lord, have mercy.
Thanks, Matt, for the saddest letter I’ve read this week–the saddest, but also the most encouraging at the same time. The story of your long history in the denomination and your careful and prayerful analysis of what it means to be faithful and obedient in your chaplaincy, these are all marks of a person dedicated to living faithfully before the face of God and within the human community. Thanks for continuing to be such a good person and such a good Christian in these hard days. Thanks.
Professor Vanden Bosch: Thank you for these words and for your significant part in my story. Those “mentors” at Calvin that I referenced…
Beautifully and powerfully said, Matt. Thank you. You capture so wonderfully my own memories and experiences from 15 years in campus ministry at the U of Illinois. In fact, in those months when I was looking for my next “call” after coming out as Gay, it was the chapel at the U of Michigan where I had one of my best interviews. It was in that stretch after Don Postema’s retirement. The search committee went in a different direction for their next chapter, but I was touched deeply with my reception. They were genuinely open to someone like me as their next pastor. Who would have thought these years of backlash would undo all of that progress in the denomination I loved!? Sad indeed.
Thanks, Jack. The broad community of CRC campus ministers has been such a source of support and encouragement in my ministry. I’m grateful to learn of your positive interactions with the Chapel those many years ago!
Oh Matt. I grieve with you. So much deep grief. How will we carry forward what was beautiful? I am searching for the answer, too.
Thanks for sharing this grief with me. And see my comment above to Professor Vanden Bosch about “mentors.” You and Ron were such a big part of my Calvin experience – thank you!
Thank you for this. It’s a beautiful (if heartbreaking) testimony of listening to the Spirit, of following Jesus, of loving others, and of offering your heart to our good and mighty God. And as a Wolverine mom, thank you for your ministry to that community. Go Blue!
Thanks so much… and here’s my contractually obligated response of “Go Blue!”
Your thoughts, your path and your words are deep and loving. They reflect God working in you.
He knows our hearts and the path forward and May you continue to reflect God in all you do. Thank you for your faith led life. Although I left crc in 1995 over the women’s issue, I still find spiritual guidance through live sermons by Peter Jonkers
My father in law was Seymour swets and I’m sure he would be so honored to know his words helped you and guided you. God bless
What a lovely and kind comment! Thank you.
Dear Matt
This resignation is so simple and sad and beautiful. Of all I’ve read during the last few years of denominational wrangling, these are the words that have brought me to tears. Thank you. What particularly touched me was “I would not be a pastor without the CRC.” This is true for me also. May God continue to bless you as you walk through this time and wherever you land.
Jane: Thank you! I’m touched that you found pieces of your story in mine, and I’m thankful to have you as a ministry colleague (now retired! congratulations!).
I am so sad as I read this because you are the kind of devoted, welcoming and accepting
Christ follower whose ministry is so much needed by the CRC generally and more specifically
at college campuses. I am sad you will no longer be at the U of M Campus Chapel I attended,
was blessed by and have fond memories of from when I was a student there in the days of Campus
Pastor Don Postema. Thanks for writing this and for your Spirit led ministry Blessings to you as
the Spirit leads you down a different path.
Thanks for this – it’s always good to hear from those who were part of the Chapel in earlier eras! Don has been and remains a good friend and mentor to me. If I can positively influence just a fraction of the number of students he did, I’ll be grateful! And to be clear, I’m not resigning from my position at the Campus Chapel, just from my denominational role and from my ordination in the CRC.
Happy that you will continue your position at the Campus Chapel! Blessings!
This is so sad, Matt. Thank you for all it took to write this beautiful and kind letter of resignation and thank you for sharing it with us here. May the Lord who has called you shine upon you, lead you onward, and always go with you. Grace and peace.
Thanks, Julia! I appreciate your kind words.
Matt, my friend, my dear brother in Jesus: My few words here cannot begin to express the anguish which the reading of your resignation letter prompts within me. My respect and admiration for you, high as they have been through all the years that I’ve known you, have now grown and increased. I am, in our Lord Jesus, in strong solidarity with you.
Chaplain Cooper: Thank you for these incredibly kind words. As you know, you were one of those mentors I wrote about who sensed a calling in me even before I did. I’ll always be grateful for that and for our friendship.
As a parent of a student there, it’s disheartening to witness the real-life impact of the CRC’s new stance towards its churches and leaders—“renounce all support of same-sex marriage or be forced to leave.”
Matt, thank you for the many ways you have served God and the Christian Reformed Denomination over the years. You have been a blessing to many through your faithful and compassionate leadership. The vision of Christian Reformed campus ministry has been deep, broad and faithful. You, along with many of your colleagues, have faithfully pursued that mission, joining God on campuses across North America. Your leadership has enabled a continued Reformed and reforming shape to those ministries, responding to cultural and contextual changes over the years. Thank you for being the faithful follower of Christ that you are, for all that you have brought to your calling, and for all that you have done. You have been a blessing to me and to many.
Mark: thank you! Few people, if any, in recent years have championed campus ministry in the CRC as faithfully and as well as you did. It’s been a privilege to be a part of that community and to learn from you and others!
Thank you for sharing this honest letter of lament and following God’s spirit. It has been wonderful to follow your call through the Calvin programs you mentioned, and then to see you in a place we had grown to love, Campus Chapel. Your wisdom and openess to God’s leading is just what university students need as they question the reality of God in their own lives. The CRC once offered both intellectual honesty and deep devotion to such students and us all – alas, no longer.
You minister to others through this letter. God will bless our journey, wherever it leads.
Thank you, Dr. Beversluis, for your generous and kind words of encouragement!
I am a “product” of the Don Postma years at Campus Chapel. This campus ministry shaped me in so many positive ways. I would imagine that during your time there Matt, the shaping of students/young adults continued in positive and formative ways as well. The nature of campus ministry invites good questions, helpful and healing conversations and God’s work in the lives of those who pass through those welcoming doors.
I realize that responses to this blog will most often be from folks who share similar views but I am heartened to see again and again that the folks who are responding are those who have been respected folks within the denomination. These collective voices continue to speak the truths and wisdom that they always have brought forward. Though the CRC is taking a journey that I am not willing to follow, the “crowd of witnesses” that I see commenting here are folks that will continue to be instrumental in loving people well and will be leaders in forging a way forward for those of us who need to step away from the current denomination.
God’s peace Matt. Your work and vocation will continue to influence those with who you’ve interacted and those who you rub shoulders with in the future.
Thank you, Karen, for all the support you and Kelvin (and your kids!) have shown the Campus Chapel over the years. As you said, it’s a privilege to be a small part of the lineage of faithful witness in this place and to be connected to the voices expressed here and so many others.
Matt, thank you for sharing your letter with us. It makes me so sad but also grateful. I’m thankful to God for you and how you followed His call into campus ministry through your Reformed education. You are a gifted communicator and thoughtful and caring pastor and your sermons and words have been a blessing to me. I too have been shaped by our church and Reformed education and I mourn with you. I pray for God’s continued blessings on your ministry at the Campus Chapel.
Thanks, Karen!
Matt,
Though we are new friends we are bound together by our belief in a big grace. Thank you thank you for shining the love of Jesus so clearly. Well done. Behold, he is doing a new thing for you.
Matt, Thanks for your courage to share this letter. I am moved by your gracious posture toward the denomination that the Spirit used to form your faith and calling. I don’t feel so gracious, and your letter helps me. Thanks too for your friendship. Being welcomed into this group of pastors in Ann Arbor is one of the highlights of my own journey. -Mike
Thanks, Pastor Mike… one of my pastors! I’m grateful for your support, care, and encouragement on this journey.
Fellow Travelers,
I met with two CRC pillars this week who both feel they are no longer able to do ministry within the CRC, and now I read this excellent letter. My question, in my reading on this site, and even on a Facebook page for CRC pastors, there is a clear distinction between those who served the denomination long and well and young folks intent on purifying the denomination. When will we say “enough”? The Abide agenda is not the agenda of the follower of Jesus in the CRC pew, it is not the agenda of the leadership that has served and pastored us well, it is only the leadership of loud and inexperienced voices. Should we write nice letters and leave quietly while these folks destroy a denomination? What if no one resigned, what if no one left, what if we just ignored them? Is this wishful thinking? I’ve served in classis with some of the louder voices, they are not the pillars of the CRC they think they are or strive to be, let them gather and stir each other up, but let us continue in building the Kingdom.
Thank you, Matt, for your clear articulation of what is. You are a beautiful person and a gift to the Kingdom. I thank God for you. ❤️
The details are different for me but the themes are the same. Thanks for your leadership and continuing ministry, Matt. And for sharing this writing.
Thanks, Bethany. Who could have predicted as we hung out in the WAffice all those years ago that this is where we’d end up, on the CRC’s naughty list? On second thought, it was kind of predictable.
And who can forget the blog of unnecessary quote marks and a whole ‘nother blog? That sort of creativity from worship leaders should have been a red flag about what the class of ‘05ish would be involved with 20 years later. Happy that I got to be at least a little bit WA-adjacent while noodling on the guitar in the background those years.
On a more serious note, thanks for this open letter, Matt. I know that good friends of mine from my old church have had nothing but great things to say about your thoughtfulness and wisdom in difficult Classis meetings. I’m still left wondering where it leaves a family like mine at another Classis Lake Erie church that we don’t really want to leave but that seems inevitably on a path that will force us out with no obvious place to go next.
Matt, it was a privilege to serve with you on the Council of Delegates. You were a thoughtful and articulate member. I always benefitted from hearing you, even when I disagreed. Your kindness and integrity were always made manifest in our meetings, as they are in your words of resignation. I pray for your continuing ministry in the capacious and verdant kingdom of our Lord.
The feeling is mutual, Anthony. I will miss being with you all in October largely because of the relationships formed with faithful and wise people like you.
Dear Matt – Thank you for sharing your story. Duane expressed my feelings so well that I won’t try to improve on it. Please let us know where you find your new home, because I want to go there too.
Matt – I am so sorry for this loss. I so appreciate the deep wisdom in your words, the bravery you have shown and the love that you display.
Oh, Matt! Thank you for this straightforward, graceful and gracious outpouring. You voice the sorrow of so many of us whose varied journeys have landed us here. How blessed i am to be walking this road with you! May God give us all the “daily bread” we need as we step into the road ahead of us.
Matt, I am so grateful for the ways you have served the CRC, and so grateful for your integrity and grace in writing this letter. Thank you for letting your story be a witness and be witnessed. I’m so sorry you have to leave a role where you were able to be such a gift.