A Few Things I Hope You’ll Learn

Last week I sat on our high school bleachers for much longer than my back preferred and watched my oldest son and his friends file into the gym in their graduation gowns while “Pomp and Circumstance” played. I watched him walk across the stage and accept his diploma. And I traipsed all around the school grounds afterwards to take pictures of him smiling, arms around the classmates who are scattering off to new places in the fall. 

I was emotional because that little boy I raised is now a six-foot-four man, and also because time really is an enigma: it doesn’t feel that long since I was the one wearing the graduation gown. (Even if my back disagreed.) It doesn’t seem like that long ago that my parents were helping me load the car and dropping me off in my freshman  dorm room.

While browsing in the graduation section of the greeting card aisle last week, I found myself annoyed at almost every card for its trite wishes of congratulations, achievement, and future success. Success? What is success? A good job, money, wealth, an easy path?  Is that what I want for all these graduates? Is that the message they need to hear right now?

I’m a notorious saver, and in the many bins in my basement is the complete collection of the 1997-1998 Hope College Anchor newspapers, in which I made my debut as a freshman staff reporter.  My greatest hit was a column I wrote titled, “All I ever needed to know I learned in my dorm,” which was a  spinoff of Robert Fulghum’s popular book,  All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.  While some of the list is very “you had to be at Hope College in the 90s,” others still apply. 

And so, in honor of my son and the Class of 2024 and rather than a greeting card wishing continued success,  here’s an updated list (with a couple repeats that I still agree with my 18-year-old self about) which I’ll call, “Not all. . .but a few things I hope you’ll learn in your dorm.” 

Stories matter. Listen well. • Call someone if you need a ride. • Be curious. •  Pick up your trash. • If you’re praying to win, your opponent probably is, too. • Sleep is underrated. • Sleep is overrated. • Always return your shopping cart. • Get an internship. • Ask more questions. •  Play intramurals. There won’t be any parents watching. •  “’We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” – Carlos Casteneda • Travel abroad. • Look beneath the surface. • Wear a coat. It’s really not that cool to be cold. • Look up. • Take a class you know will be hard. • Take a class you know you’ll enjoy. • Humility wears well. • If your grandparents reach out, reach back. • Multitasking is a myth. Pay attention. • When tempted to climb any ladders of success, look down to see Jesus beckoning you down several rungs. • Drink water. • “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” – Anne Lamott • Ask for and accept help. •  When someone near you is hurting, they need your presence and silence more than the right words. • There is always more to learn. •  Reach out to your younger brothers; they’ll miss you more than you know. • Pray. •  It’s helpful to restock toilet paper and toothpaste before you run out. • Get comfortable with uncertainty. •  Apologize when you mess up. • You will mess up. • Use the campus writing center. You pay for it. • Your weaknesses are also your gifts. • In order to give grace, you must accept it. •   You’ll always have a place at home. • “Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate you from the love of God.”  

Readers, what else would add? I’d love to hear your additions in the comments.